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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27158143">Bloom Of The Mind</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Amias/pseuds/Lord_Amias'>Lord_Amias</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Sex, Being in eachothers dreams, Break Up, Break Up Talk, Dreams, Drunken Flirting, Falling In Love, Falling In Love Again, Fixing Relationships, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sex, Getting Back Together, Heavy Angst, High School, M/M, Mental bonding, Misunderstandings, Obsessive Behavior, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Break Up, Slow Burn, Trauma, does this count as slow burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:40:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,191</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27158143</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Amias/pseuds/Lord_Amias</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After their high school break up, Ritsu flees to England to continue school and Masamune is stuck by himself. Even after that breakup, their dreams, their thoughts are centered around eachother. For one, it's the most frustrating thing. For the other, it was hell on Earth, but he saw it as an opportunity to mend their broken relationship. (Mental bonding au) (Au idea by LillyUnova)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Onodera Ritsu/Original Character(s), Onodera Ritsu/Takano Masamune, Takano Masamune/Yokozawa Takafumi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. It happened in Spring</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>WOOHOO new fic! This is gonna be a possible long series? idk lol but thank you to LillyUnova for allowing me to write for this au that she came up with. For those who need some more help understanding, Saga and Ritsu are literally in eachothers dreams,, this sucks for the both of them. Sorry this first chapter is mostly just junk about ritsu and takanos past, but it's needed for context and stuff. I hope you all out there read this till the end! :3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It all happened so fast from what Ritsu could remember. </p>
<p>All the happiness he had ever felt in this cruel, unforgiving world seemed to have crashed down on him the moment he heard laughter. It was a painful memory, one that drowned his stomach is sickening tightness. The cold spring mornings made his heart ache. Today was another chilly morning as he stood, staring off. </p>
<p>Everytime he went to his classes, he would pass by several triggers. Every reminder of his past love just stood all around. It was irritating. It was like the pain haunted him. And to think his troubles were caused by a silly little crush...He cursed under his breath as he gazed at a cherry tree, which was in full bloom. The chatter of passing students and the wind rustling through leaves became static to him. His throat had a lump in it as he stood around. It was so childish, was it not? “Just get over it”, he always told himself. It should not have been a big deal...yet, here he was.</p>
<p>But there was something strange about this heartbreak. It went deeper than emotional hurt. It kept him awake within dreams, making his life a nightmare.</p>
<p>This heartbreak was in his dreams. He couldn’t escape it.</p>
<p>Ritsu had always had a difficult time with love. There were times he wondered if there was something wrong with him. He never viewed women in the “normal” way. There were girls in his classes that liked him, but he couldn’t exactly give back any of those feelings. He wondered if he just wasn’t cut out for love in general.  It wasn’t like it mattered anyway. His parents had him set up for life with having him be engaged with a girl he so happened to be friends with, had plans for how he would live his life, and so on. So it did not matter what he was into. The freedom of love meant less than it should. There was nothing to care too much about! </p>
<p>...Well, that was the case till the fateful day where he had met the one that took his fragile heart, and stomped it to pieces. </p>
<p>It seemed like any other time;Ritsu was only a middle schooler back then. He was social and friendly, but did appreciate his alone time now and then. He could remember heading towards the library all the time. He was an outgoing guy at the time, but the peace of the library was so soothing to him. And as it turned out, it was soothing to another person. </p>
<p>Ritsu could remember reaching for a book at one of the top shelves. It was a bit high up, so it was a struggle to reach. After moments of strain, he managed to grab at it. However, another hand happened to touch it at the same time. He quickly jumped back, slightly panicked by the sudden contact. The open timing allowed the person to take it from the high shelf. </p>
<p>He could recall that he apologized, saying “You can take the book”. Usually, that would be it. </p>
<p>However, the other person said nothing as they quietly handed him the novel. </p>
<p>Ritsu looked up at him, feeling his heart pound out of his chest as he gazed upon the other’s face. It turned out to be another boy, a bit older than he was by possibly a year or two. His eyes were dead, yet had so much warmth in them. It was like love at first sight. The cherry trees surrounding the windows were in full bloom.</p>
<p>Ritsu’s first mistake was letting his guard down. </p>
<p>Ever since that day, that boy had always been in his mind. Every time he saw him, it only fueled his longing thoughts. It got so far that he could not stop thinking about him, even starting to have dreams of the love he held. He could remember going to the library, going through checkout cards and learning the name “Masamune Saga”.  </p>
<p>Since that day, Masamune had been a part of his nights every time he slept. So many pink hues surrounded this person in every vision. It was like fate! </p>
<p>Going to school, seeing him, going to bed, and still seeing him. </p>
<p>It was driving Ritsu crazy in every way!</p>
<p>He had always seemed to have his head in the clouds, dreaming of being held in the arms of his beloved Masamune Saga, the most handsome boy he had ever seen. His eyes were a warm brown, like milk coffee. His skin was so pale, almost like snow. His hair was a beautiful shade of black that was styled so mysterious like. Ritsu never realized how beautiful another boy could be. </p>
<p>Masamune Saga was like a dream. </p>
<p>He couldn’t take his eyes off of him ever since middle school. There was just a part of him that screamed his name nonstop, begging to be noticed by his beloved. Though Masamune was only a year ahead, Ritsu always found ways to see him. </p>
<p>Whether it was following him to school, staring at him through the halls, peeping into his class during lunch periods, glancing at him in the bathroom and locker rooms,  or gazing at his radiance whenever he saw him in the library. Despite his own thoughts, he couldn’t muster up any courage to talk to him. </p>
<p>He wanted to know him better, but any time he thought of trying to hit up a conversation, he immediately stopped himself. </p>
<p>Ritsu had always questioned his own motives for longing after someone like that. Why was someone like him yearning for another boy? It was not like they were friends either. As a matter of fact, Masamune probably did not know that Ritsu even existed.</p>
<p>Why did he have to like him? What was the reason? Why did he appear in his dreams so often? Why did it have to be someone he was too scared to even approach?!</p>
<p>It was troublesome. </p>
<p>Even so, his pure hearted adoration for the other boy was strong. If only he could tell him how much he wanted to get to know him better. If only he could tell him about his feelings for him, how much he wanted to touch his hands, face, and body, how much he wanted to hear him say his name. If only he could tell him how much he wanted to know more about his life. If he could tell him how he was everything to him. </p>
<p>His feelings were spilling from his heart. </p>
<p>Then the worst happened: </p>
<p>He confessed...by complete accident.</p>
<p>He was a second year in high school at that point, Masamune just being a year ahead.  It was an average day, like always. Then came the end of the school, where the library was an escape for the two.</p>
<p>The cherry blossoms were in full bloom.  </p>
<p>He could remember reaching for a book, then a familiar hand reached too. Without realizing, he stared at him. He couldn’t handle it anymore. He couldn’t help but be fit to burst. He said he loved him to his face! At first, he panicked. How could he recover from this?! He just told Masamune, another boy, that he was in love with him- </p>
<p>To his face!</p>
<p>But before he could even take it back, a gentle hand touched his hair, gently stroking it. There was no rejection to be heard.</p>
<p>That was the happiest Ritsu had ever been. </p>
<p>Though it was never official, he could not stop smiling when he spent his time with him. It was euphoric to a degree. It was everything he could have ever wanted in life. </p>
<p>But like every moment, it had to come to an end. </p>
<p>He could hardly remember it all from that morning. He asked, “Senpai...How do you really feel about me?”. </p>
<p>And that was it. </p>
<p>That was all he could recall himself saying after he heard a laugh come from Masamune. He laughed. Why would he laugh? Was it funny to him?! </p>
<p>And like that, it was over. </p>
<p>There was so much he had felt during that time. He was angry, sad, and even a bit amused by the entire situation. He could remember kicking Masamune so hard he thought his foot might have broken as it collided with his face. Then he ran off with his lungs tired, and tears running down his face. </p>
<p>It all happened so fast. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then before he knew it, he was in a different country, attending a different school, and now he stood in front of a cherry tree.  His tired eyes shut as he listened to rustling leaves above. Ever since that day, he could barely sleep. He couldn’t shut his eyes at night anymore. </p>
<p>Masamune Saga was a dream, but now, he was just another nightmare. </p>
<p>And now he couldn’t leave Ritsu alone in sleep. Now, he had to live with seeing him all the time, in dreams like always. That was when he knew that Masamune was a plague to his mind. Now he couldn’t escape seeing him ever. </p>
<p>Whenever Ritsu had to see him in his own dreams, he had to remember nothing was real. But even then, he always asked himself:</p>
<p>“If that Saga in my nightmares aren’t real...Why does he always seem to be calling out to me…?” </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. It's a bit strange</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Now in a new school, in a new country, Ritsu is exhausted from the nightmares of his ex boyfriend, Saga Masamune. His roommate is less than pleased with him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WOO,, sorry these chapters are difficult to pump out. I've been very busy lately with applying to colleges in my state. Enjoy this mess!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="sc-1nwr4lh-1 bfsXLc">
  <p>
    <span>It was another day of bad feelings. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>The dorm walls were a pale yellow color, nearly white with tiny holes covering them from old push pins. The floor had dirty clothes scattered around, a trash can was overflowing with empty water bottles and old papers. A laundry basket was only halfway full as it was beside the door. The window was covered by a dark curtain, shutting away all light. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>There were only two beds, one seemed much cleaner than the other. One seemed to be much neater than the other, though not extravagant, was a million times cleaner. The other had a pile of books, old essay papers, and questionably stained tissues and napkins covering it. Along with that, the sheets seemed to be nearly falling off the bed completely! The fitted sheet desperately clung onto the mattress while it seemed to be at its breaking point. Unsurprisingly, most of the mess inside the room came from whatever fell off that bed. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Speaking of messes, Ritsu laid on top of it. Somehow, that bed seemed to be another home for him. He rested on top of the covers, his glassy eyes gazing at the ceiling. It was like he was in some type of daze. Except in this case, he was still fully aware of his own surroundings, though he was feeling drifted. He had only moved to England just a couple months ago, he already had a longing to go back to his home in Japan. Adjusting to an entirely new country was much harder than he had imagined. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>To think he only moved here due to heartache, most would have thought he was crazy. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>‘I guess I am a bit crazy now that I think about it’</span>
    </em>
    <span>, he thought. He inhaled deeply, feeling his stomach tighten. Everything about him was an embarrassment. </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘Why did I ever like that guy in the first place? It was my fault for getting clingy and attached...I obsessed and stalked him, even though I rarely ever talked to him! No wonder he laughed at me when I asked how he felt. This is my fault...But even so, my heart feels like it’d been smashed...It’s like there’s a hole’.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>‘I could remember my father telling me about studying abroad, but I never agreed to it at first. I sort of wanted to stick to Japan my whole life. After I kicked Saga and ran...This seemed like the best option. Now I’m in a country I never cared for! I can’t believe I just ran away from my problems. This feels like a horrible mistake...I’m being punished now’. </span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>There was something extremely wrong with Ritsu. Now that he was in England, away from his past love, the sense of fatigue came to ruin his life. But it was not just the feeling of sadness taking over his nerves. His eyelids were so heavy. His energy was at the lowest it had ever been. It definitely wasn’t an odd case of jet lag. Not even the worst case of jet lag could compare to this exhaustion.  </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Something awful began to plague his thoughts ever since he got to this country. At first, it was not even a big deal. He always thought of it as something to ignore. It all started after he got off the plane and went to settle down in hotel rooms before officially transferring to boarding school. It started the first night he fell asleep in the hotel’s bed from what he could recall. Though he was ready to start a new life, his heart was not. Everytime he shut his eyes to go to sleep, he had the same recurring dream:</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>It was always him, standing in the dark. He had no idea where he was, but he was always caught in the middle of a flurry of cherry blossom petals. From what he could see past them, there was a figure in the distance who was turned away. Though he called out to them several times, it was like his voice could not reach them. Every time he woke up, his heart was heavy.  </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>The more often Ritsu had this dream, the clearer he could see who the figure was: Saga Masamune himself. It was scary, it was like everything was telling him “You can’t escape”. Seeing the person who destroyed his vision of love every night was torture. Why couldn’t he run from his nightmare?!</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Everytime he would fall asleep, it would be the same exact dream. But sometimes, it was worse than usual. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Sometimes, Masamune would turn and walk away from him as he called out. On other days, he would turn back to face Ritsu, but the flurry of petals would be too intense to see past. Every single time, he would wake up in a panic. He should have been used to it, but it was pure agony. He woke up so often, to the point where he had forgotten what a good night’s sleep was supposed to be like. It was like the universe was punishing him for falling for Masamune, his ex lover...It did nothing to ease his heart ache. The amount of silent tears shed must have been buckets. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>‘This is getting worse, isn’t it? I thought it was just going to be a one time thing. I’m so confused by these nightmares…’ </span>
    </em>
    <span>Ritsu felt his eyes sting as he slowly blinked. The ceiling, though still, seemed to be in an odd haze. </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘I’m so tired, but my body is getting kind of used to waking up so often...It’s miserable.  Sometimes, I stay up so late so I don’t have to dream such things...I’m scared to go to sleep tonight’. </span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>For his new classes, he had to wake up much earlier than what he was used to. This was annoying, but it’s not like Ritsu wasn’t constantly awake in the first place. These nightmares seemed to be ruining more than just his sleep as well;Lots of food given to him at lunch seemed far from appetizing most of the time. Well, technically he rarely felt hungry at all there. Everything tasted bland. Was the lack of sleeping somehow killing his taste buds? </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Along with that, there were all the classes he had to take, meeting new people he did not like, eating non Japanese food (Probably another reason he had trouble adjusting), and so on. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Living there at the school seemed much easier on paper, but of course, he was beginning to loathe the experience. At least it wasn’t just the nightmares, but it was hell to deal with multiple things at once. He always knew adjusting was not going to be easy, but he really started to hate it here. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Everything was starting to irritate him. Especially when he couldn’t even get used to his roommate…</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Speaking of which, Ritsu could hear his voice through the door, which interrupted his thoughts. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Onodera, are you still here?”. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>The door cracked open, but Ritsu stayed put in bed, too tired to greet his roommate. His eyes did not move from the ceiling as he heard footsteps approaching. He could hear a loud, annoyed sigh. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Yeesh, this place is filthy!”, his roommate grumbled. “Are you ever gonna clean up? Most of your garbage is coming onto my side of the room...And do your laundry!”. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Ritsu simply closed his eyes, trying to tune out the nagging. After moments of silence, the other person quickly walked towards him and put his face directly in front of him. After feeling his roommate’s breath near his face, Ritsu quickly reopened his eyes, startled as he quickly sat up. His roommate had an irritated look on his face as he stared at him. However, despite annoyance, there was still a glimpse of pure pity in his expression. He was definitely looking down on Ritsu. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Could you maybe clean up a little?”, he asked. There was restraint in his voice. “Someone might come in and we’ll get in trouble. I don’t want all the blame put on me if I have to talk to them again just because you like being quiet”. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Ritsu looked at him for a few seconds, then turned his head away. Though he knew he could answer, something kept his words away. The uncomfortable silence only bothered the roommate further, making him roll his eyes. They could barely tolerate each other.  </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Fine, fine, whatever. I’ll leave you alone”. He grumbled to himself as he walked away. Just as he was heading towards the door, he gave one last look at the boy on the bed. “See you in class later, Ondera. Please clean at least a little bit before I come back here”. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>With that, he turned back, opening the door and firmly shutting it. His footsteps faded from what could be heard through that old, wooden door. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Ritsu now sat alone once again. That person had been his roommate since he got there. The tension in the air was still there. Though he was friendly at first, he gradually grew more distant from him. But Ritsu knew he could only blame himself because:</span>
  </p>
  <ol>
<li><span>He refused to speak or make eye contact with him, or anyone for that matter.</span></li>
<li><span>He didn’t like cleaning up. </span></li>
<li><span>He was constantly waking up at night and his roommate could probably tell.</span></li>
</ol>
  <p>
    <span>With those being the main points, there were still much more. Ritsu couldn’t exactly understand it fully himself. Something about him was just so exhausted that even speaking was too much. That led to a lack of communication, which led to misunderstandings, which led to no communication, which led to gradual dislike. Ritsu didn’t mind anyway. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>He knew it was pointless to expect nice things.  </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>‘I can tell he’s tired of me’, </span>
    </em>
    <span>he thought. His roommate was definitely much friendlier than him, despite what had just happened. From what Ritsu could recall, that guy was named Kiyomiya Nao. His hair was dark, his eyes contrasted with a light color. He often smiled at everyone, which led him to being popular in his classes. He even chatted with teachers without fail. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>‘But he doesn’t like me at all. That sucks…’. </span>
    </em>
    <span>Ritsu stretched his arms, feeling the warmth of his blood course through his limbs as his back cracked. His head throbbed painfully, causing him to wince. </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘We could’ve been friends, but eh…’.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>He stood, stumbling over his feet a bit before he gained steady ground. He nearly toppled over. He took a look around, taking in the sight. He couldn’t help but cringe at the mess he made. He reluctantly began picking up some of the papers off the floor, quickly shoving them into the trash as well as keeping a few by putting them on a nightstand beside his bed. His vision was still a bit hazy as his eyes stung. He had a headache as well, which made bending downward more difficult than it needed to be.  </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Wiping his heavy eyes, he sighed. How did he let the room get so messy?! He could remember keeping his room tidy back in Japan. It was strange that he couldn’t even </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>He went to adjust the sheets on his bed, then took a look back at the other. It was well kept unlike his. It wasn’t like he was trying to be messy, but often, he was just so tired that he couldn’t pick anything up sometimes. (By sometimes, he meant all the time). </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>His roommate seemed to be doing a lot better than he was. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>‘Kiyomiya Nao...Definitely Japanese as well. I wonder what he’s doing at this boarding school’. </span>
    </em>
    <span>Ritsu kicked a few books under his bed, being a bit too lazy to bend over. </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘He just left the room without even doing anything. Now that I think about it, he leaves a lot but comes back from time to time, like just now. He’s probably going out to hang out with his friends in the courtyard’. </span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Ritsu knew that he and Nao shared classes together and had the same lunch, so there was no point in trying to avoid him. They were just doomed to interact with each other. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>He scooped some junk from off his bed, throwing some away while placing the others on the floor. Though cleaning wasn’t the most fun activity in the world, he did enjoy it a bit. He stepped back away from his side of the room, looking it up and down to see how much better it looked. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>...It wasn’t exactly a major improvement, but at least he could see the floor better. He had forgotten what the wood tilings looked like. He sighed to himself, pressing his back against the wall and sliding down slowly. Once his bottom hit the floor, he couldn’t help but feel some sense of nostalgia. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Sitting on the floor of a messy looking room seemed to fill his heart with a familiar sorrow. It nearly put a tear in his eye before he snapped out of it. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>‘No, stop thinking...Stop feeling these things! If you feel anything, you lose...If I lose, then what’s the point of even breathing…? Then I’d be more pathetic than I already am’. </span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>After moments of those hopeless emotions, he found the strength to lift his wrist to check his watch. It was almost time for classes to start. Though he hated it, he knew it was something to help keep his thoughts away. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>With that, he picked himself up from off the floor, then got ready to head to class.  </span>
  </p>
  
  <p>
    <span>Sitting in a cramped classroom, Ritsu could only sit and tune out whatever the teacher was saying. His classmates sitting beside him seemed bored out of their minds, but still took their notes. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>He stared at the board, resting his hand on his cheek. Though it looked like he was paying careful attention, he was really just letting all of the information flow through one ear and out the other. His eyelids were extra heavy during this time. The sound of silence with only a lecture to be heard, the sound of the chalk scraping against the board, as well as papers shuffling and being crumbled...It all meshed into a white noise that soothed the troubled teen. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Ritsu slowly blinked, staring off into space. Then he blinked again, but slower this time. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Then after another blink, he shut his eyes. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Then he kept them shut. It was like his spirit had been fading from his consciousness. His head drooped as he gave in to his exhaustion. It was like an invitation to let go. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>‘Just a few minutes…’.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>He felt his head lower even farther as his breathing slowed. It was a moment’s bliss. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“..dera”.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“...nodera”.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Onodera!”. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>With the shout of his name, Ritsu immediately snapped awake. He flinched in a mild panic, looking up at his teacher who glared at him from the front of the class. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“N-No, I wasn’t sleeping…!”, he stuttered out. His classmates looked back at him with amusement. The teacher furrowed his eyebrows, sighing. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“I didn’t say you were”, he stated. “Did you have a good nap?”.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>After a couple moments of processing what had been said, Ritsu flushed from embarrassment while he heard laughter from the other students. He lowered his head in shame, which his teacher seemed to have taken as an apology. With that, class continued at normal. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Well, as normal as it could get. Now with an increased heart rate and a tight feeling in his gut, Ritsu just wanted to go back to his room. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>However, he felt a gaze on him. Worriedly, he glanced up to investigate. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>A few seats ahead of him, he caught the eye of none other than his roommate, who stared at him. As soon as their eyes met, Nao turned away to go back to his work. Was he looking at him out of pity or mockery? Ritsu had no idea. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>But one thing was for sure. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>‘That guy is definitely looking down on me’. </span>
    </em>
  </p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ritsu out here having a pity party! Thank you to those who read this chapter&lt;3 Sorry, its going to take awhile to finish all of this,, college is important lol! Hope y'all continue looking out for updates</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. A part of his nightmare</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ritsu experiences another nightmare, but decides to walk forward.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WOOHOO,, this is a short chapter but I've been busy ;0; Please excuse this update!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ritsu stood in darkness. It was freezing, wind kept rushing past his body as he stood within the void. Despite standing within a blackout, he could still see his own body. He had goosebumps all over, his skin crawled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew where he was. He’s been inside this nightmare so many times. Though he was inside the abyss, he had a firm ground to stand on. How many times was this dream going to repeat?! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Why am I here again? Am I supposed to do something?’. </span>
  </em>
  <span>His arm covered his face, blocking out the bitter winds that were almost cutting him. He had been in this same area too many times to count, and all he did was spectate. It wasn’t even too surprising anymore. There would be no progress if he didn’t at least try to do something different. And with that, he had decided it was time to walk forward. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His steps were heavy as he progressed forward, like he was trudging through unsinking quicksand. He took a few moments to glance around, only to see nothing but darkness still. Only a few distant lights and nothing more. This place was starting to scare him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘If I’m having this dream every night, then maybe I have to do something to make it stop...I usually just stood around, confused until I eventually woke up’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He trudged forward, eventually feeling something graze against his skin. He stopped and looked back to see what touched him: A petal. He blinked, turning forward to see a flurry of petals rushing towards him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Oh no-!’.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was like he was being beaten down by a group of people, but instead of fists, it was nothing but cherry blossom petals. How could tiny flowers be so painful?! He stood his ground, covering his face with his arms as he trembled. It was so cold. Every time he wanted to look up, all he could see was a pure pink hue as he was nearly pushed down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stumbled back, nearly tripping on his feet. The wind was getting stronger, as if it was trying to tell him to turn back. Still, he pushed forward with his eyes shut. The more he walked, the heavier every step got. His back was aching, his neck felt like it was going to snap. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>God knows how long it must have been until the wind suddenly grew weak. Though he hesitated to open his eyes, he knew he had to. What could be awaiting him? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He opened his eyes, seeing a sight he was not prepared. His heart stopped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a dead tree, it wasn’t very tall but it was completely wilted. A pile of petals surrounded it. And the cherry on top of the cake was someone sitting on their knees in front of it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ritsu stood behind that person, unsure of what to do. Their head was down as they knelt in front of the withered tree. It only took a few seconds for it to register who that person was: Masamune Saga. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before he could take the time to turn back, it was too late. Masamune turned his head to look at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“S-Saga…”. His mouth trembled. He gulped. “Saga-senpai!”. Tears filled his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then, Ritsu woke up. His heart felt heavy, tears streamed down his face as his breath hitched. His body shook as he cried. This was just too cruel. </span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>It was a grey morning in Japan. The t.v displayed the news, the clock ticked, and the cat Masamune had adopted meowed. Masamune hunched over in bed, feeling his stomach in knots. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘These nightmares are just too cruel’.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading&lt;3 I've been busy these few months with college applications and I just finished participating in sihjr week on tumblr, and it's the holiday season. I still wanted to throw a chapter out there though,, I just finished applying to a college in my state so I finally had time to write a little bit! Thank you if you still read this chapter despite the wait. Now we know that Masamune has these dreams too! How exciting! :3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Heart's anger</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ritsu's classmates have begun to resent him</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>DOES ANYONE STILL READ THIS LMAO,,, if you do, so sorry for the long breaks! I've been so busy lately. Please enjoy this chapter, it's based off the events from the manga and the next chapter will be based off it too, but with a bit more.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Y’know that short kid in class? He’s so rude to everyone who talks to him!”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The Japanese exchange student? He’s got some serious bags under his eyes, it’s a bit creepy…”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I tried asking him to lend his notes and he just ignored me. I thought he didn’t hear me, but he just got up, glared at me, then walked away!”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He pushed me out the way while we were going to the gym, he didn’t even say sorry”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He sounds like a prick”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s an asshole”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ritsu’s head was down flat on the desk during this free period. His eyes were hidden away from view, yet they remained open. The chatter of his classmates kept him awake. They sat and stood within their groups, chatting about the usual matters, and even those who were loners seemed busy. Despite the waves of voices, all he could hear was their mockery towards him. Though he liked to ignore it, it stung a bit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I heard him crying and screaming at night once”, one sighed. “He’s Kiyomiya’s roommate. He should get him to see the counselor...It’s freaky how much he cries”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really? Does he have something wrong with him?”, another one laughed. “I knew he was looney, he’s basically a banshee!”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s so quiet during the day time though...Don’t even try talking to him though, he won’t reply. He’s like a ghost”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The Ghost ignored me when I offered him some extra paper. He glared at me like I did something to him”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The Ghost is a shitty person”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Was this bullying? It probably was, but what could he do? It was useless. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ritsu’s whole body was stiff as he sat by himself. He knew he should have expected this to happen...After all, he was always in a bitter mood ever since he got there. Even talking was a drag. After all, he was still dealing with those damned nightmares. If it wasn’t for what happened to him, he wouldn’t be so jaded!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘If that jerk Saga didn’t treat me like an idiot...then I’d be so much better off’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. His jaw clenched with frustration. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I thought I wouldn’t have to see him anymore, but here he is in my dreams. I can’t help screaming after nightmares like that...I wonder, who was it that said that time heals all wounds?’. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The chatter of the class soon came to a halt as the teacher walked in. Quickly, all the students rushed back into their seats and Ritsu raised his head. The remote way of how he did these simple tasks made it seem like he was a zombie. His frown was the most expressive part about him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was time to drown out the frustration and emptiness he felt with another lesson. The room soon grew completely quiet as the teacher shuffled through paperwork. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your test scores came back…”, he said. “Some of these results are disappointing. Probably because a good lot of you have been sneaking out of the dorms at night to do god knows what”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A collective groan was shared among the class. Ritsu rolled his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Some of you kids don’t even know the correct formulas...Please, if you’re not going to take notes in class, ask your friends to lend you theirs to copy at least”. He began moving around the room, going to each student to hand them back an old test packet. Once the teacher had gotten to Ritsu, he slid his packet onto his desk. After a brief moment, Ritsu looked down to see what grade he had gotten:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A near perfect score. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Though he knew he should have been happy with the result, the same frown decorated his face. Was there something to be excited about? Was there something to be happy about? There was a cold numbness filling his body. Of course he had always been taught to work hard in school, so naturally, he studied when he could. It’s not like he had any friends to go hang out with anyway, so there was no reason to blow off school work. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘It’s not like I can do anything anyway’.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The bell soon rang, alerting everyone it was time to leave class. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now don’t forget, your reports are due in the day after tomorrow”, the teacher announced as the students gathered their belongings to leave for lunch. Ritsu stood, grabbing a few notebooks to carry on his way out. All he wanted was to get out of there. He just knew he wanted to be alone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was like he had gotten tunnel vision. Just leave, go sit alone somewhere, make yourself feel better, and then study. That’s all he wanted to do. But with those thoughts occupying his mind, he had failed to notice where he was going. With a hard shove, he nearly fell back as his classmate had run into him. The notebooks he held fell to the floor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh- Sorry”, his classmate apologized. He was a bit older than Ritsu, his hair slicked a bit back in a wild manner. He had a friend next to him, with neater hair who just stared at the scene. He bent down, collecting the notebooks from the floor before handing it back to Ritsu. “Here you go”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ritsu’s heart froze just a bit. This wasn’t good. All he wanted to do was leave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Sheesh...This is troublesome…’.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He took his belongings back with the usual frown he wore. Almost like they could read the unpleasant tension coming from the brunette, the classmates scowled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow”, one scoffed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not even a ‘Thank you’ after I pick up your shit?”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ritsu felt his heart race and his shoulders tense. He was seriously not in the mood for this. He just wanted to leave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...Thanks”. His voice was forced and quiet. That’s what they wanted right? Well, it clearly wasn’t enough as they walked closer to him, looking down with furrowed eyebrows. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y’know, I’ve always wondered, why don’t you ever say anything? You’re creeping everyone out, you know that, right?”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Can I please leave…? I’m exhausted’.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I swear, I don’t even know what you sound like”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘This is so annoying’.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The one with neater hair cocked his head to the side, crossing his arms. His friend shook his head. It was like them bumping into him was them looking for an excuse to fight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not like you </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> talk, right? We know you’re not mute. You don’t even greet anyone or even say you’re leaving. It’s like there’s something wrong with you”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Please shut up and let me leave…’.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is this just a japanese thing?”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Just shut up’. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just shut up”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Shit. I said that out loud’.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With that, both his classmates grew enraged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the hell did you just say?!”. They took steps closer, eyes looking for blood, and their foreheads wrinkled from furrowing their eyebrows so much. Ritsu tried to remain composed, but he backed away just a bit. Was he going to get beat up? Well, that was better than sulking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But just before anything could happen, someone called out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, that’s enough!”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ritsu and the others looked back to see a familiar face. Ritsu blinked, realizing it was his roommate, Nao Kiyomiya. He smiled with anxious eyes. “Let’s leave it here today!”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Both classmates turned to look at Nao with less extreme expressions. Now was the perfect time to escape. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ritsu quickly ran off, letting Nao to deal with those two himself. He didn’t want to get sent to the infirmary just cause he pissed them off. Now he knew that his classmates really did hate him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘But who cares? I sure don’t’. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He bit his lip, feeling a sickening pit grow in his stomach. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I could’ve taken them anyway’.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now that he thought about it, that Nao guy was appearing a lot more. Of course, they were roommates but it was like he was being watched by him now. How weird. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And as he suspected, Nao was right there, walking towards him as he sat by himself, eating an egg sandwich he took from the cafeteria. Ritsu looked at him with puzzled eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Onodera!”, Nao called out. His grin was wide and his eyes were warm. “Finally caught up to you! You run pretty fast, y’know?”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘This is getting weird...He followed me? Thinking about it, he was watching in class the other day too…’. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nao didn’t seem like a bad guy. He got along with everyone from what Ritsu could tell, plus he was always leaving to hang out with his friends. Though he did nag a lot. Still, it was no reason to hate him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Woah, those sandwiches look good! You wanna share with me, Onodera?”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ritsu ignored him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...No? Okay then!”. He smiled at Ritsu, sitting beside him. “I saw you cleaned up your side of the room. Thanks for that, it was getting hard to walk through the door with all that junk on the floor”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His cheerful attitude was so off putting. It was almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> friendly. Ritsu was starting to get uncomfortable. Was he trying to pull a prank? Was he planning on getting him to trust him for something weird? This was getting dangerous. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a heavy heart, Ritsu stood up and turned away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, wait up! Don’t leave me alone here, Onodera!”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nao got up, walking after Ritsu. This was getting annoying. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, uh, Onodera”, he began. “I know you’re bad at communicating and all that, but we’re all here in this boarding school together, right? There’s no need to value what they teach in Japan all the way out here. You need a basic level of communication to stand a chance”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This guy was nagging him again...Was this guy looking down on him?! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ritsu glanced back to look at him. That smile was getting annoying. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I understand if you’re still getting used to your surroundings...but we have a lot in common so open up a little! We’re both Japanese and we’re roommates after all!”. His voice was so strong and loud. “So...you can talk to me if you want”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I don’t want to talk to anyone…’. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ritsu balled his fist.</span>
  <em>
    <span> ‘Why is he trying so hard to talk to me? Can’t he see that I’m not interested?’. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My name’s Nao Kiyomiya by the way! Or did you know that already?”. He laughed. “Those guys back there didn’t mean to make you feel bad, y’know! They just wanted to get to know you-”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t care”, Ritsu snapped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was tired. Everyone had it out for him, even this guy. What’s worse is that he was so different than him. Popular, handsome, kind and happy. He probably never had his trust broken. He probably never devoted himself to anyone. He probably never lived for someone like Ritsu did. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Was he being rude? Yes, he knew he was. He knew Nao wanted to befriend him. Why was he being so hostile? This guy didn’t want to make him feel bad. He didn’t deserve to be treated like that...But Ritsu had no idea why his own voice was so cruel. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘There’s something wrong with me’.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He turned back, noticing that Nao had stopped following him. He sighed in relief. He felt his throat tighten as he made his way throughout the school, winding up in front of the library. He quietly went inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘...What’s wrong with me? He didn’t deserve that...Why did I get so angry?’.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With this attitude he latched onto, it was no doubt that everyone grew to despise him. Ignoring everyone, snapping at those who try to chat...His heart was locked and he wouldn’t dare give anyone the key to it. Not after what Saga did. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He blamed all his issues on Saga. He was probably out with a girl right now, kissing her, hugging her, probably even having sex with her. He was probably living his best life right now, forgetting all about Ritsu. Forgetting how much he loved him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That anger he had wouldn’t be a thing if it weren’t for those damn dreams. Another one was probably waiting for him tonight. His eyes were heavy, he couldn’t stay up any longer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had to sleep tonight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Or else he’d pass out during class the next day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘If only I could tell someone about this...But they’d think I’m just a crazy ex boyfriend. Plus, two guys being together? I’d get bullied even more...But then again, I don’t think I’m being bullied in the first place’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He walked up the steps of the library staircase, searching for something to read. He needed a distraction.</span>
  <em>
    <span> ‘I started all this...I look like a dead fish, I ignore people, I don’t even greet anyone...And I get mad so easily. Of course everyone decided to dislike me. I’m awful...But how can I fix this? It’s like my mouth does it’s own thing…’. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t like he had it out for anyone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I’m just so tired...I’m tired of everything. I can’t feel joy for one second...People are something I fear’. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His whole existence had been rejected and mocked by the one person he felt a connection to. His reason for living, his reason for looking forward to each day...His reason for being happy had spat on his heart and smashed it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was like he was hollow inside now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I was stupid for trusting him...Ah!’.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He saw a familiar book sitting on a shelf. He walked towards it, pulling it out to inspect it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a book Saga Masamune had often checked out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He felt his lip quiver. He shoved it back on the shelf, grabbing another one beside it and then rushing to a nearby table. The grief was making him nauseous. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I can’t get involved with anyone anymore...This is it for me’.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His despair was all he could see. The darkness in his heart was all that surrounded him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Though, he wasn’t alone. Just from a far off table, Nao gazed at him. Ritsu was a sad sight.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for reading!!! Hopefully the next chapter will be out soon after this,, i wanna write more! Sorry I'm so rusty ;w;</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WOO!!! Thank you for reading this! I hope you enjoyed this mess, and this will be centered around takano hanging out in ritsus dreams to vibe while ritsu shrieks at him lol<br/>but yayy hope people like this!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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